G. Identifying Four Problem and Responsibility Areas

Indicate  PFA (Problem Free Area), PPA (Personal Problem Area), SPA (Spouse's Problem Area), or MPA (Mutual Problem Area) you feel each of the following belong, then discuss your answers with your partner.

Note: The same general issue (work or employment, for example) may include aspects that belong to more than one problem area. Key questions to ask in determining what part of a given issue belongs where are (1) Who is bothered by this? (neither, of course, if it’s in the PFA); and (2) Who has the ability, and therefore the responsibility, to handle this?

___ 1. You enjoy a good walk with your spouse while you share some of your dreams for your future.

___ 2. You would like to pay off the mortgage faster. Your spouse wants to save more for the children’s college fund.

___ 3. Your spouse gets a promotion with a nice raise, which really helps the family’s finances.

___ 4. You’re starting to feel jealous of all the positive attention your spouse is getting from having gotten the above promotion. Nothing ever seems to work out that well for you.

___ 5. After several months in the above new position, a merger with another company results in policies that make things much less pleasant for your spouse.

___ 6. Your spouse’s new position is starting to require more travel, meaning you’re separated from each other an average of five nights a month, which makes things more difficult for both of you.

___ 7.  Your spouse has been meeting with some college friends for a weekend getaway every fall since you’ve met. This is starting to make you feel really resentful.

___ 8. You come home to find your spouse in tears because of the death of the family’s special dog, a mutt you never really cared for and that was starting to cost you a fortune in veterinary bills.

___ 9. You are upset because your spouse, who confidently boasts of hardly ever getting sick, refuses to get a flu shot in spite of your repeated urging and nagging.

___10. Your spouse does come down with a bad case of the flu, resulting in him/her experiencing a lot of misery and missing an important week of work.

___ 11. You become closer as a couple as you grieve together the loss of a favorite grandparent.

___ 12. You negotiate together how you can pay all your bills and still afford a 3000-mile trip to your family’s annual reunion.

___ 13. The two of you enjoy spending a week of vacation helping rebuild homes destroyed by a recent hurricane.

Answers (1 PFA; 2 MPA; 3 PFA; 4 PPA; 5 SPA; 6 MPA; 7 PPA; 8 SPA; 9 PPA; 10 SPA; 11 MPA (& PFA?); 12 MPA; 13 PFA)