B. A Family of Origin Inventory

Leave any item blank if it was not at all true in your family. Use a (1) for every item that was somewhat or occasionally true, a (2) if it was frequently or mostly true, or a (3) if it was very much so and/or almost always true. Compare and discuss your answers with your fiancé or spouse.

 1. Our Family's Love Language

  ___touch   ___praise  ___teasing  ___surprises  ___hugs   ___special events  ___special favors

 2. Ways of Handling Conflicts

  ___avoid or deny, be nice at any price   ___yell and argue   ___calmly discuss and negotiate 

 3. Memories

  ___don't talk about the past  ___share freely and positively    ___talk only about past grievances

 4. Emotions

  ___keep them to yourself   ___express explosively and dramatically 

___report feelings in an honest, up-to-date way

5. Attitudes About Money

  ___a constant point of tension  ___ a relaxed attitude of contentment 

___wealth is for sharing     ___wealth is for hoarding

 6. Work

  ___perfection is a minimum requirement ___personal worth based on how much you get done

  ___work seen as a curse   ___work celebrated as worthwhile and good

 7. Social Activities

 ___value your privacy, stay at home or stay with your family

___have lots of friends, entertain often, go out a lot

 8. Order and Organization

  ___"a place (and time) for everything, everything in its place"

___"cleanliness is next to godliness"

  ___some clutter acceptable, but order appreciated  ___chaos and clutter everywhere

 9. Attitudes Toward Sex

  ___didn’t talk about it  ___inappropriate sex talk, behavior   ___positive attitudes and values

10. Gender Roles

  ___male dominated   ___female dominated   ___rigid gender roles  ___flexible roles

11. Child Rearing

  ___very strict, firm  ___harsh, lots of physical punishment ___verbal or physical abuse  

  ___fair, reasonable discipline  ___permissive, anything goes

12. Church, Religion

  ___strong faith, backed by consistent practice

  ___strong profession, inconsistent life

  ___little or no emphasis on religion or church

13. Illnesses or Injuries

  ___grin and bear it, don’t make a big deal of it  ___appropriate empathy, support

  ___use for exerting control, generating sympathy, or establishing martyr or victim status

14. Family Sins, Wrongdoings, Mistakes

  ___inflict shame, assign blame ___deny, cover up, minimize, keep secret

___confess, forgive, let go