L. Summary of Homework Ideas for Four Problem Areas      

Problem-Free Area

Write frequent love notes, give hugs and back rubs regularly.

Have regular couple' meetings.

Enjoy at home "mini-dates" on a regular basis.

Read something inspirational and/or pray together daily.

Develop traditions around special events and anniversaries.

Take in a marriage seminar or retreat.

Practice making at least four positive comments for each statement about a problem or concern.

Share household chores.

Personal Problem Area

Take a fearless inventory of your own faults and growth areas.

Invite your partner to suggest areas of growth for your life.

Choose a mentor, pastor, counselor or spiritual director to help you work on personal changes you want to make.

Mentally rehearse new behaviors and ways of responding, and practice them regularly.

Keep a journal of your growth goals and of notes on your progress.

Spouse's Problem Area

Practice deep and patient listening.                              

Practice stating any concerns you have about your partner less frequently and as a wish--or as a part of an “I message.”
Show active support and encouragement.      
Pray for your partner every day.

Practice showing unconditional acceptance of your partner (doesn’t mean you approve of every behavior on his/her part).
     
Mutual Problem Area
 Have a couples meeting once a week.
 Ask permission before bringing up any problem for discussion at other times.
 Start each meeting with a time of simply discussing an issue (and generating ideas) before working at deciding anything.
Take turns being the speaker and the listener.

Keep notes of any significant actions or decisions.

Agree on a means of accountability for making sure agreements are kept.

Get outside help if necessary.