CENTERPIECE with Harvey Yoder
Short messages of Insight and Inspiration 2009 - Series 1
1. In the rural area where I grew up, we were sometimes bothered by hucksters coming to our door to sell us things like magazine subscriptions, home health products, kitchen supplies, you name it. Some came on a regular basis, every month or so. And while a few of these were welcomed because they were pleasant and trusted folks who brought us good things we wouldn’t have to make a trip to town for, others seemed like an annoyance or worse. But there weren’t that many. I compare that to the hundreds of highly sophisticated hucksters who currently find their way into our homes by way of our television sets, computer websites with pop-up ads, and other media, incessantly aiming their sales pitches at us without any letup. OK, maybe they don’t feel as intrusive as people actually knocking on our door, and we can after all use the “power off” or the mute buttons on our remotes any time we choose, but I wonder at the impact of all these sales messages have on our thinking, and on our children’s thinking--how they affect our general sense of contentment, or lack of it, with the abundance of things we already have--how they affect our tastes, and the likelihood that we will buy more overpackaged and overpriced food and other items that aren’t really good for us. At least we need to remember that most of these are sales pitches we do have the power to avoid if we really want to. 2. In July, 2008, the Associated Press released a detailed study of more than 150 college age deaths related to alcohol poisoning from 1999-2005. Among their findings were that such drinking deaths hit a peak of 35 in the final year of that period, with students drinking themselves to death having an average blood alcohol content of five times the legal limit for driving. Deaths spiked on weekends and after winter finals when students spend more time partying. Of the 18 freshmen who died, 11 did so in the first semester. The study points out that overall drinking rates in college are not that much higher than those of the general population, however drinking until passing out is far more common and has researchers and college officials concerned about the increasing number of resulting alcohol poisoning fatalities. (Chicago Tribune July 8, 2008) In another AP report that came out at the same time, a Las Vegas based video game company changed the name of a soon to be released video game "Beer Pong" to "Pong Toss" after coming under fire for marketing a virtual game based on the increasingly popular "Beer Pong" drinking-related competitions at college age parties and bars. The Connecticut Attorney General, among others, sharply criticized the video game rating board which initially approved "Beer Pong" for children as young as 13. These are the kinds of=2 0concerns we should all respond to. (AP July 8, 2008) 3. I frequently hear people lament that they have “fallen out of love” with their spouse, and that any act of affection feels fake, like they’re just pretending, something they automatically assume is bad. I can understand where they’re coming from, but I also like to ask whether they wouldn’t in fact benefit from exercising some more good, loving behavior, and to maybe get their former love back again? If so, I suggest that they think of any affectionate, considerate, or "courting" behavior as being a matter of "practicing" rather than "pretending." By way of illustration, I could carry around a musical instrument and to try to make it look like I was an actual musician and be totally fake, of course. On the other hand, if I really wanted to learn to play something like, say, a violin, I could line up a good instructor and practice, practice, and practice some more until finally I’d be able to make it appear natural and easy--and genuinely enjoyable as well. I would clearly be “being myself” in the process, just a somewhat new and improved version of myself. I happen to believe that all of us, at any age, are capable of learning and changing for the better. scriptural texts that state that husbands and wives, for instance, are to love, respect and be agreeable with each other aren’t offered a s suggestions, or as things we do only if they come naturally, or if we can manage to feel like it. They are to be experienced supernaturally, and not as things we merely pretend, but behaviors we practice until they become truly liberating and natural. 4. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development reported in the July 2008 Journal of the American Medical Association that the amount of exercise kids get in the US is on the decline, and that it has been dropping dramatically between the ages of 9 and 15. Fewer than a third of 15-year-olds today get 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity, the minimum daily amount recommended, and in fact for children, according to the research. In fact, 15-year olds spend an average of only 49 minutes daily on week days and 35 minutes a day on weekends in any kind of physical activity. Meanwhile, inactive lifestyles have been shown to contribute to obesity and a multitude of other health concerns. One-third of children in the US — about 23 million ages 2 to 19 — weigh too much, according to the article, which puts them at special risk for type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol and other health problems. Children need more exercise in school, after school and at home, says Philip Nader, lead author of the study. He says barriers to activity, such as a lack of safe places to play and the elimination of P.E. programs in schools, ne ed to be removed. "We really have to think outside the box and find more interesting activities for kids this age," he says. On weekends, families should go on walks together, bike together or shoot hoops. Which, by the way, could contribute to better family relationships as well. 5. I remember an auction sale in our neighborhood years ago where, among many other things, there was an old kitchen table set out to sell that had spent its last years in our neighbor’s shop, used as a workbench. As a result it had become nicked, scarred and stained with paints and varnishes, old glue and years of hard use. I thought it might go for a couple of dollars. But there were some antique dealers there who saw that table in a completely different way, as a very old, solid oak piece they wanted badly, and for which they were willing to bid what I thought was an outrageous amount. This wasn’t because they felt any pity for the table, or for its owner, but because of their sense of its actual value. That’s the way I believe God sees us, not as inferior or worthless, not as creatures he must love only because he is that kind of God, but as beings bearing all the marks of those created in God’s image, in spite of our also having become marred and scarred, each of us, and sometimes not easily recognizable as the “very good” creation we were designed to be. And that,20too, is the way I believe we need to see each other, and every other human being in the world, not as people we need to force ourselves to respect and value but, having adopted the mind of the wise furniture dealer, we see real value in every human being. We recognize in each person an incomparably beautiful, one-of-a-kind creation, just waiting for restoration and for the celebration of its true worth. 6. Margaret Cessna’s “Blessing For a Marriage” begins with the words, “May you have the courage to stand for yourself, alone and strong, so that you may together understand the power of your union.” I’ve had people question what sounds like individualism and an independent spirit in her piece, and ask, aren’t two spouses to become one in their marriage? It’s true that those who wed need to be willing to surrender some of their individual will for the good of the partnership, but does this mean we are no longer have a will, are no longer two distinctly individual people? I don’t think so. To become one, in my mind, is simply to become indissolubly united, but without being fused into some kind of blended personality. One analogy might be that of our nation, in this case fifty separate, individual states united to form “a more perfect union.” Each state has its own clear boundaries, but because of our union, no passports or border patrols are required, there are no border patrols on. Each has its own individual self government, but observes its permanent pact with the others for the government of the nation. In a similar spirit, a marital “pledge of allegiance” might go something like this: “I pledge allegiance to the united state of matrimony, and to the harmony for which it stands, one union, indivisible, with freedom (within clear boundaries) and justice for all.” In other words, distinct and separate, but forever united. 7. In my work I hear a lot of people talk about the things they simply “can’t” do, like “I can’t stop beating up on myself,” or “I just can’t control my temper when such and such happens,”“I can’t lose weight,”or “I can’t seem to break out of the depressed feeling I have.” I’ve had my share of experiencing that kind of powerlessness. And there are, of course, some things we human beings really can’t do, like walk on water, live a life of sinless perfection, or be some god or goddess worthy of worship, but there are many things we say we can’t do that are just difficult, and for which we haven’t found the will or the help we need to accomplish them. In the process of our using this four letter word “can’t” inappropriately, repeating it as a well established, indisputab le belief, we often limit the progress and growth we might actually be able to make. So before we resign ourselves to too many can’t’s, too many impossibles, we might ask , What would we do if we were offered a million dollars to accomplish one of these supposedly undoable things? Might there a part of us that really doesn’t want a certain good outcome, in other words, is there some resistance in us to a change, like overcoming some habit or addiction? Or is there some kind of unconscious benefit or payoff involved in my not accomplishing some goal in my life? At least its worth asking, Is this can’t about something that’s simply hard, and a case of our not having found a way yet? 8. In the interest of wanting the best of everything possible for their children, new parents tend to buy a lot of things, a cribs, baby-safe toys, a changing tables, stuffed animals, you name it. Dr. David Walsh of the National Institute on Media and the Family and best selling author ot the book, No: Why Kids - of All Ages - Need to Hear It and How Parents Can Say It, observes that these days, many parents include media on the list of must-haves for their babies and toddlers. DVDs just for babies and children are a fixture in many homes, based on the assumption that images on the screen will help babies and toddlers get a head start in their learning. While Dr. Walsh does see value in limited amounts of high-quality children's programming, he doesn’t believe most DVDs are a great thing for tots under two-years-old. He cites a 2008 study on this subject by researchers at Wake Forest University who wanted to know if babies 22 months and younger would learn more words from the Teletubbies or from an adult who was in the room with them. The results were overwhelming in favor of real live adults. Tots who were taught a new word by Tinky Winky couldn't identify the object associated with the word later on, while the babies who learned the word from an adult in the room could easily connect the word and object. “Language acquisition is an absolutely vital skill for babies while their brains are in a critical state,” says Walsh. “...talking to your baby one-on-one works better than anything else.” 9. Since language is the basis for cognitive thought and reasoning, children who are exposed to a wealth of language experiences are able to think with more complexity and creativity. Research shows that children from age three on need to build a vocabulary of 2,500 new words a year. Susan Neuman, Ph.D., explores these ideas in her book Speak Up! How to Help Children Build a Rich Vocabulary Day by Day. Neuman promotes storytelling as an ideal way of helping children develop good language skills. With storytelling, children learn listening skills as well as immersing20themselves in the creative outworking of the tale. Children then practice their own oral language as they retell the story to others, adding their own spin. According to Dr. David Walsh of the National Institute on Media and the Family (mediawise.org), research suggests that children in a language rich environment will have listened to 45 million words by age four, giving these children a full and rich vocabulary to draw on for their own speaking, thinking, and learning. He questions the effect of children being tuned in to too much media that contain stories that are largely aimed at keeping their eyes glued to the screen for the purpose, not of education, but to sell them products and create profit for advertisers. What happens to children in a culture in which Hollywood has become their primary story teller, rather than caring elders and family members? 10. When Jesus spoke of “the poor always being with you,” he was likely describing people who were reduced to begging for their survival. By those standards, few of us can claim to be poor, as in actually destitute. Yet more and more Americans are becoming financially stressed to the point of being unable to make ends meet, resulting in increasing numbers of people foreclosing on mortgages, defaulting on credit card and other debts, and filing for bankruptcy. But how do the two kinds of “poor” compare or contrast? People experiencing Third World Style Poverty have few possessions. Things like cars, cable TV, cell phones, etc., are usually out of the question, and they are often without food needed for good health and sufficient body weight. The typical “financially stressed poor” in the US, on the other hand, may often be overweight from too many convenience and fast foods, and may have so much stuff that storage becomes a problem, and see things like cars, computers, cell phones, and cable TV as necessities. In some third world countries per capita income may be under $1000 a year, whereas the US poverty line is $10,000 a year for an individual, or $20,000 for a family of four. Of course, while most financially stressed Americans have much to be grateful for, and have more assets than they realize, harder economic times may mean they, and we, could all some day join the ranks of the truly destitute. In any case, we need to think creatively and sympathetically about how to best help each other in whatever forms of poverty we experience in our global community. 11. Our oldest son Brad, a Pittsburgh based singer/songwriter who spent part of the summer of 2008 working with teens in an intensive French language camp in Vermont, wrote the following for use by the participants. Much may be lost in the translation, but here is my English version of his piece, “J’ai vide mon coeur,D or “I emptied my heart”: I emptied my heart to gain some more space, threw out my unhappiness, replaced it with grace, I emptied my heart, should have done it before, to become like a newborn child once more. we become fearless and bold when we live out our best, when we live by our courage instead of our stress. I emptied my head of old useless thoughts, irrational 'shoulds,' too many 'oughts.' I emptied my soul of tired tales from the past, my old wounds and dramas now banished at last. we become fearless and bold when we live out our best, can face our hard stresses, can learn how to rest and dream some new dreams of calm fearlessness. I emptied my heart to gain some more space, threw out my unhappiness, replaced it with grace. 12. One of my favorite brothers-in-law, Vernon Zehr, at 75, wrote these reflections in July 2008 on his past two years living with a debilitating illness: “On January 7, 2006, as Freda drove me to the ER, I had no idea how quickly my good health was fading away. I was undergoing a test that had only two grades-pass and fail. While in the hospital for eight days... I received four pints of blood, dozens of blood tests, X-rays, Cat scans, and biopsies. I was finally given the diagnosis of Hepatitis C, which they said I may have had for more than thirty years for such severe cirrhosis of the liver to occur, a deterioration that had caused the enlarged blood vessels in my esophagus to burst ... “Over the next months, I discovered what faith really is. When I found myself slipping into despair, the cards and letters appeared as if God was showing himself through all of you. I have at times felt like Job... on the ash heap of life, but I have had good comforters there with me--my church, my family and my ever-expanding circle of friends--people of faith and most of all, my beloved wife of fifty one years, who... has been the source of my strength and faith and has continued to stand beside me through four hospitalizations. “I enjoy listening to a wide variety of music...one of my favorites being a song written by Mosie Lister... I listen to almost every day.. “’In the dark of the midnight I have oft hid my face, While the storm howls above me and there is no hiding place. In the crash of the thunder, precious Lord, hear my cry, Keep me safe till the storm passes by.’” 13. A May 2008 issue of TIME magazine featured what it hailed as the world’s 100 Most Influential People, a mix of celebrities, political and business leaders, educators, writers, and religiou s figures. Walt Mueller, in a piece written for his web based Center for Youth Understanding, comments, “One would be tempted to write off the importance of the list because it includes such world shakers and entertainers Miley Cyrus, Chris Rock and Judd Apatow. But in a superficial age influence need not be defined by depth, thoughtfulness, or the rich artistic tradition on which it draws--it just needs to be popular.” He then cites Richard Hamilton, an early pop artist who defined the genre as follows: “mass-produced, low-cost, young, sexy, witty, transient, glamorous, gimmicky, expendable and popular.” Mueller also notes how young people are becoming increasingly preoccupied with joining this company of celebrities and entertainers, in other words, to gain some feeling of being popular and famous in whatever ways possible, and as early in life as possible, often with the help and encouragement of their boomer parents and grandparents. With the advent of internet sites like YouTube, FaceBook and MySpace, anyone can promote him or herself shamelessly, he says, hoping for a rash of “friends” who might become their avid admirers, and for multiple hits on their YouTube site where they are performing their hoped for, breakthrough hit that will gain them a spot on the next American Idol. Another word for this is narcissism, an infatuation with ones self, and we have an emerging generation that0s clearly effected by it. 14. Researcher Marc Prensky has come up with ten cognitive traits he says are characteristic of video game generation children (sometimes referred to as screenagers) that are different from the thinking patterns of previous generations: 1. Gamers think in terms of instant, twitch speed vs. conventional speed; 2. They do parallel processing instead of linear processing; 3. They think graphics first rather than text first; 4. They are about random access to information rather than step-by-step access; 5. They think of things being connected rather than stand-alone; 6. Their approach is more active vs. passive; 7. They are more oriented to play than to work, and think work should be able to be transformed into play; 8. They expect instant payoff rather than assuming a need to exercise patience ; 9. They place a higher a value on fantasy than on reality; 10. And, finally, they definitely see technology-as-friend vs. technology-as-foe, as being formidable or difficult. Prensky doesn’t see all of these things as bad, but believes we must do more to add to our understanding of the differences between the game generation and previous generations, and think more creatively about how to use newer technology in our education. Prensky, Marc. (2001). Digital Game-Based Learning. New York: McGraw Hill. 15. Some time ago some marriage experts came up with the concept of “starter marriages” o r “icebreaker marriages,” the assumption being that since a large number of couples aren’t going to make it together anyway, partners may as well go into their first relationship with their eyes open and their expectations sufficiently low so as, I suppose, to be able to transition into a “starter” or “icebreaker” divorce and then to go on with their next partner. I guess they’re assuming that by the second or third try, a couple might be ready for a marriage with some kind of real commitment. Or, who knows, maybe they’ll need yet another, different partner with whom to retire and live with until at last “death do them part.” This kind of thinking fits right in with our current consumer mindset, where life is seen as an endless round of shopping, where success requires constantly checking out the latest and best of whatever’s on the market, always seeking to upgrade one’s standard of living by discarding the old and mundane for what’s newer and more exciting and with more of the features we’re looking for. But when people become reduced to objects, and relationships to mere commodities available to the shrewdest shopper, we’re adopting a mindset that dooms marriages to failure and the individuals involved to untold hurt and heartbreak. And in this “me-first’ and “me-only” culture no one seems to consider=2 0the effects of this kind of serial polygamy on children, except maybe to suggest that “starter marriages” should avoid having them. 16. According to a study cited by Marilyn Elias in a November 2007 issue of USA TODAY, a combination of kids not feeling close to parents, having low self-esteem and spending lots of time watching TV all contributes to the likelihood of their being sexually active by age 15. She quotes Janet Shibley Hyde, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, as saying,"It isn't any one thing. It's cumulative, and the more risks there are, the greater the chances that they'll begin sex early." . She and co-author Myeshia Price reported on their two-year study of 273 children at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality meeting in Indianapolis. They believe teens with low self-esteem may start sex to boost their self-images or gain popularity, and found that those who regularly watched certain types of TV also tried sex sooner. Young teens also are more apt to feel coerced into sex, adds Michael Resnick, director of the Healthy Youth Development Prevention Research Center at the University of Minnesota. "Maybe the guy will say, 'I'll break up with you if you don't,' or 'I'll say terrible things about you.' " But feeling well connected to parents may offset pressure for sex. "You have to remain close to your kids," Hyde says. "You can't just say, 'They're teenagers, they're obnoxious. I'm checking out, and I'll see them again at 20.' Warmth from parents and clear, firm guidelines can make a big difference to kids this age." (CYPU Page 7D 17. I was saddened by the news in the summer of 2008 of Senator John Edwards’ infidelity. He was finally forced to admit to an affair he’d had back in 2006, all of which may result in his promising political career going south. It reminded me of an e-mail sent me by a friend around Valentine’s Day with the following adaptations of some wise words for men from the scriptural book of Proverbs, as paraphrased by singer Ernie Haase of the gospel music group, Signature Sound, as follows: Pay close attention to this, my wisdom; listen closely to what I have to say. Then you will acquire a taste for good sense; what I will tell you will keep you out of trouble. The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet and her words are oh so smooth but she hasn't a clue about real life, so Keep your distance!!! Stay out of her neighborhood!!!! You don't want to end your life full of regrets saying, "Oh, why didn't I do what they told me ..... Why did I reject a self-disciplined life? Drink from your own rain barrel ..... draw water from your own spring-fed well. In other words ... Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose. Don't EVER quit taking delight in her body. NEVER take her love for granted! Why in the world would you trade enduring intimacies for a cheap thrill? For a dalliance with a promiscuous stranger? Mark well that God does not miss a move you make, He is aware of every step you take. Death is the reward of an "undisciplined" life; your foolish decisions will trap you in a dead end. 18. According to a March 11, 2008 AP report, at least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease, or more than 3 million teens. A virus that causes cervical cancer is by far the most common sexually transmitted infection in teen girls aged 14 to 19, with, regretfully, the highest overall prevalence being among girls of color — nearly half of whom had at least one STD, according to this report. The Center for Disease Control's Dr. Kevin Fenton says that given the fact that STDs can cause infertility and cervical cancer in women, "screening, vaccination and other prevention strategies for sexually active women are among our highest public health priorities." Included in these prevention strategies, I believe, are the teaching and modeling of values that regard sexual intimacy as a special, God-given gift for people who are covenanted together for life. In other words, we do need to promote the value of waiting, and beyond that, to tell our kids that this kind of highly pleasurable intimacy is such a gift tha t it’s worth planning and preparing ahead for, worth making sure that the person we’re “going all the way” with is someone with whom we are actually ready to go all the way, until death do us part. I happen to believe that if kids could only know the sheer joy associated with that kind of committed love, they could actually be motivated to wait. I know only a small minority of teens and young adults are choosing that path, but I can almost guarantee that of those who do, none will ever regret their choice. 19. I recently led a discussion on media with members of a local Lao church, most of whom didn’t grow up with television and other media their children have come to take for granted. We did find some common ground, my having been born before the era of television--along with the fact that when it did become available my family shunned it like the plague. So with my Laotian friends, I remembered lots of family times around a table for meals and conversation, rather than our spending hours around the silver screen. Like me, the Laotians lamented the resulting loss of family interaction. They also expressed concern about youth now feeling entitled to round-the-clock entertainment in the form of DVD’s, video games, and access to countless TV channels and Internet sites. I asked, “If we parents can limit our children’s intake of junk food for their bo dies, can we not also restrict the junk food reaching their minds?”Since none of us would install soda or candy machines in our children’s bedrooms, does it make sense to provide them with their own media entertainment centers? So we mostly agreed that a part of our job as parents is to serve as door keepers, setting boundaries as to what kinds of influences we welcome inside our homes and into our lives. I stepped to the door of the classroom to illustrate the point. Whenever we use our remotes, I noted, we are making decisions about whether, when or to whom we will “open our door” to allow questionable outsiders in. So why not just screen out unwanted media entertainers--along with a barrage of unwelcome sales pitches aimed at getting us to buy more and more “stuff”? 20. Curtis Miller of the Center for Parent and Youth Understanding notes that in the midst of our efforts to right wrongs among the poor, we shouldn’t forget the needs and distresses experienced by the not-so-poor. His article, posted on CPYU’s June 2008 website, raises important issues for youth leaders working with middle class or affluent kids and communities. “Those of us who have built relationships with the wealthy students in our ministries,” he says, “have likely been struck by the profound loneliness and poverty hidden behind the ipods, Sidekicks, and BMWs....Only in the la st few years have psychologists begun to recognize that all is not well with today’s affluent adolescents. The findings have, to say the least, been surprising. Studies done by prominent psychologist S.S. Luthar have found that teenagers in affluent communities have significantly higher rates of depression, eating disorders, substance abuse and addiction, anxiety disorders, cutting and other self-destructive behaviors than all other groups of teenagers.[2] In many markers of mental health and development, affluent kids are worse off even than “high-risk” kids in the inner-city. According to adolescent psychology expert Madeline Levine, the root of these problems is that affluent teens display a disturbing lack of an independent self and are therefore quite fragile in the face of relatively minor adversity. This in turn leads to the need for self-medicating and self-destructive behaviors...” 21. Looking back in time, we find that many girls were once married at a very young age, sometimes without a lot of choice on their part, and it makes you feel sorry for those teens who were rushed into growing up too soon with too few choices about whether or when--or often even to whom--they were to be mated for life. Most of us feel a lot better about women and men today being able to wait until their mid twenties and even later to make their marital choice of a lifetime. But I’m also saddened to see so many adolescents and teens in our day becoming “premaritally married” physically, sexually and emotionally way before their time, before they are mature enough to make the good personal choices about what or who is best for them. “Marriage” isn’t just about getting a license and having a public ceremony, but about becoming emotionally bonded in an intimate and intense relationship, which seems to be happening at an ever earlier age. In a recent study of over a 1000 teens in our community, 12% of the 8th graders, 31% of the 10th graders and 54% of the seniors report having already been sexually intimate. Or are they really experiencing a form of premature marriage, about to be followed by a premature emotional divorce? Most of today’s youth and young adults do still think of being intimate as having something to do with being a couple, however tentative or temporary their relationship. Is it OK to tell them that experimenting with this kind of premarital marriage may not be a really a good idea? 22. In our August 5, 2008, daily paper there were two front page AP stories about how people are coping with rising costs in an economic downturn. The first was about how the federal government’s stimulus checks didn’t seem to be making much difference as far as the financial stresses people were experiencing. Apparently they also had less effect on inc reasing their spending and lifting the economy as had been hoped, since most folks are having to focus more on tightening their belts than on spending more at their local WalMarts, and are still doing a lot of worrying about how all their bills are going to get paid. By contrast, the second front page piece was about a 31-year-old Chicagoan who isn’t feeling much of the effects of the economic downturn. While she earns a very modest income working for a nonprofit agency, she still gives a tithe (10% of her income) to her church, rarely worries about rising gas and food prices, and doesn’t even bother to balance her checkbook, since she seldom comes even close to spending what she has in her account. All because she’s chosen not to own a car, commutes to work on her bicycle, and shares housing with over two dozen other adults in the Keystone Ecological Center in Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood. Her private living space is a modest 400 square feet, which includes her own small bedroom, a craft room and her own sitting room, and she shares bathrooms, a kitchen and a large dining room with 28 other professionals, retirees and other friends who each contribute $775 a month for rent and food. Sharing more with others may be something we’ll all have to look in to in economically stressed times. 23. The American Wildlife Federation website has some interesting facts on the effects t hat our 20 million acres of residential lawns in the US have on our planet. Yes, that’s 20 million acres, on which we dump 335,000 tons of synthetic pesticides and untold numbers of tons of chemical fertilizers each year. The yard waste we generate on this choice real estate, the majority of which is grass clippings often considered a form of hazardous waste because of all the chemicals just mentioned, represents 20% of the garbage piling up in our landfills. Our lawn mowers, not yet equipped with the pollution controls required on our highway vehicles, create as much air pollution in an hour as 11 cars, and our riding mowers as much as 34 cars, depending on the size of the engine. The awf.org/backyard website suggests some alternatives to this kind of lawn insanity, like planting more flower and vegetable gardens, and using other kinds of landscaping that provide more habitat for birds and other wildlife and result in far less pollution--and at far less expense to us and our planet. Maybe this doesn’t seem like a particularly relevant topic for one of my radio spots, but it’s an idea that can get all of us working at more creative and ecologically sound ways to practice better creation care as individuals, families and communities. 24. “Embracing Sex in Ads Gets Customers Talking,” is the title of a July 29, 2008, post on the Internet by writer Matt Spector. Even underage se x, he says, is being used to sell clothes, cars and the hit television show “Gossip Girl,” noting that in one ad, a teenage girl wearing only American Apparel underwear is shown crawling between a man's legs...and licking the crotch of his underwear while glancing seductively at the camera. Another ad -- not aired in the US -- features an attractive young girl shot from the shoulders up, with the ad copy reading "You know you're not the first." The product is BMW used cars. The article quotes ad executive John Klein as saying, "The rub among the adults is 'is this good taste?'" and "Given more of a traditional background one would have to say no. But, then, it doesn't matter anymore." In other words, get used to it. This kind of message is here to stay. But not everyone agrees we should just get used to it. Spector cites Liz Perle, editor-in-chief of Common Sense Media, who laments: "Kids are exposed at younger and younger ages to more and more sexually graphic material," "When you show an ad that showcases shortcuts to those things, you're not just selling underwear or T-shirts, you're selling whole ways of being." "You show an ad of a girl looking like she's just had sex or about to have sex in rumpled sheets wearing a certain type of underwear, that creates a model of what's OK for a kid." Per;e adds, "I'd just say to the creators of these ads, 'Put your 12-year-old girl or boy20in front of them (the ads) and see if you repeat them,'" she said. "That should be the sanity check." Even marketing guru John Klein admits. "All morality, all the good taste, all the propriety is gone." Which should give us all a sobering sanity and morality check. 25. Inspirational writer David L. Weatherford has done a thoughtful piece called SLOW DANCE that I like: Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly ' s erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don ' t dance so fast. Time is short. The music won ' t last. Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won 't last. Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say, ' Hi ' You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away. Life is not a race. D o take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over. 26. In an August 2008 report called “Happily Never After,” the Parents Television Council found there were nearly three times as many references to adultery than to marital sex in their analysis of over 200 hours of TV network programming. Meanwhile, the networks made reference to many other other sexual topics not appropriate for children. In fact, there were 74 such references during this study of network programming done from September 23 to October 22, 2007. Surprisingly, the so-called Family Hour--the time slot with the largest audience of young viewers--actually contained the highest number of references to non-married sex as opposed to sex in marriage, by a ratio of 3.9:1. During the next 9:00 and 10:00 pm hours, the references to non-marital versus marital sex averaged 2.5:1. Overall, visual references to things like voyeurism transvestites or transsexuals, threesomes, kinky sex, bondage, sadomasochism, and prostitution outnumbered visual references to sex in marriage by a ratio of 2.7:1. Of all the networks, ABC had the most references to marital sex, but many of those were negative, whereas references to nonmarital sex were almost always positive or neutral. In 46 hours of programming by NBC there was only one reference to marital sex, but 11 to non-marital sex and one to adultery. Clearly we can no longer assume the networks will look out for our children’s best interests when it comes to promoting family values most of us consider important. 27. There was a time when the networks held to a voluntary code of conduct for their programming that supported stable marriages and the value of the home; the idea that divorce should not be treated casually or justified as a solution for marital problems; that sex outside of marriage should not be portrayed in a favorable light. Sex crimes and intimate relationships between adults and underage minors were ruled out as unacceptable program material. Yet, even with this National Association of Broadcasters Code of Conduct, or maybe because of it, television writers were able to tell relevant and entertaining stories that touched on a whole range of human experience. According to the findings of an August, 2008, study by Parents Television Council, television programming today has gone far to the other end of that spectrum. Sexual content on television is predominantly extramarital; marriage itself is regularly mocked and denigrated; adulterous relationships are treated sympathetically and with tolerance or approval; and criminal sexual behavior such as sex with minors or prostitutes are a theme in many popular series. Why are broadcasters, knowing the negative influence this kind of material can have, not more careful in their treatment of sexual situations, especially during prime-time when the largest number of impressionable ch ildren are likely watching? There can be only one answer, illicit sex draws more viewers to more advertising, which means its all about what brings in the greatest profits. Let’s do all we can to discourage this, and to make it unprofitable. 28. Family therapist Robyn Coffman, married with two young children, is a personal life coach who helps women declutter all areas of their life. She defines clutter as anything that takes up space but doesn't add value or meaning to our lives or to the lives of those we love. After decluttering her own home from top to bottom, she realized that clutter is also about having overloaded schedules, endless commitments and heavy emotional baggage we carry around in our heads. So she advocates our not only having “to-do” lists, but to come up with some "not-to-do" lists. Her own includes the following: * Not to feel guilty for saying "no" to something that's good, but not right, for me or my family. * Not to fear about how well-adjusted my kids will be as adults. * Not to hang something new in my closet without taking something out. * Not to feel over-responsible for the well being of everyone else. * Not to answer the phone after 7 p.m. * Not to feel compelled to say "yes" just because I've been invited. * Not to schedule busy activities on Sundays. * Not to worry about what I missed at last week's play group with the girls. * Not to buy something just because it's on sale. * Not to think I can make a dinner that requires more than three ingredients, do the laundry, clean the house and spend quality time with my kids all in the same day. * Not to ruminate over my mistakes or the mistakes of others. * Not to compare myself with other moms. “The more we give ourselves permission ‘not to do,’” she says, “the more we free ourselves to live a more centered, abundant life.” Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/MomSense magazine. July/August 2008, Vol. 11, No. 4, Page 27 29. According to a July 29, 2008 ABC Internet Ventures post, John Chapin, an associate professor of communications at Penn State University, said he has witnessed how shows like "Gossip Girl" shape youth behavior. The show's inherent "cool factor" makes teens want to mimic the behavior of the show's characters, from the clothing they wear to the purses they carry, he said. "I think the biggest concern from my perspective isn't necessarily the products, it's more the lifestyle," Chapin writes. "It's promoting a lifestyle and making something more glamorous." And that something is about being sexually active at a very young age. A statement from the CW, which broadcasts the show, asserted the network's commitment to connec ting with young viewers through a noticeable campaign to attract their attention. "We wanted to create a provocative, unconventional campaign that resonates with Gossip Girl's sophisticated, media savvy young adult fans," the network statement says. "By utilizing creative statements made by third-party sources and outlets, this new campaign speaks directly to our target audience in a way they will appreciate." But Professor Chapin questions whether the "Gossip Girl" campaign is giving its young viewers a realistic view of sexuality and maturity. "It's normalizing the sexualization of young people," Chapin said. "The models look very young and they probably are not (as young as they appear), but it's just normalizing what is acceptable behavior." Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures 30. Dr. Aric Sigman is the author of a 2008 British study that concludes that children's brain development is threatened by a lack of opportunity to do more work with their hands in school and at home. The United Kingdom is becoming a "software instead of a screwdriver society," he says, and adds that "working with one's own hands in a real-world 3-Dimensional environment is imperative for full cognitive and intellectual development." The report cites examples of 11-year-olds who are coming up with deficits in important areas of abstract thinking and problem solving, and of a decline in the ability of young engineers and apprentices to deal with straig htforward mechanical problems. He blames schools for a part of this trend but believes parents must first of all do more to make sure their children have more 'hands-on' experiences and spend less time in two-dimensional exposure to video games and other screen media. Sigman also believes Britons are too concerned about gaining more class and social status and need to drop their snobbish attitude to hands-on vocational training in schools or to apprenticeships in more blue collar occupations. "Working with your hands is considered déclassé and the sciences are often seen as 'trade,"' said Dr. Sigman, all attitudes held by many on our side of the Atlantic as well. Copyright 2008 Reuters. 31. One lament I sometimes hear from women is “We can’t possibly make ourselves as appealing as all of the pornographic images our men have access to.” And of course most females aren’t like these surgically altered humanoids on screen, always young, alluring and available. Speaking of available, fifty years ago there were some 1000 US theaters featuring X-rated movies, most located in the seamier side of town. Today there are literally millions of such “theaters” in the US, in the form of personal computers in almost every home and office, each with unlimited X-rated material available. As a result, the number of men addicted to this fare has multiplied, with ever larger numbers of teen age boys now hooked on this material. That’s the terribly bad news. But the positive news is that if we prefer truly satisfying and lasting bonds, real men and women like you and me can outperform the competition hands down. We can affirm things like “I love you,” and “I’ll always be there for you,” and really mean it. We can actually keep sacred promises like “in sickness and in health,” and “until death do us part.” We can offer reassuring touch and warm hugs to the love of our life, and receive the same. We can cultivate what it takes to form a lifelong relationship and help create a loving family that can bless the world, all things the dark and fake world of porn can never offer. And we can celebrate times of marital ecstasy and intimacy far superior to anything fake offered on screen--with pure delight and no regrets. That’s priceless 32. Fourth century bishop Basil of Caesarea writes these hard hitting words on wealth: “They say: Whom do I wrong by keeping my property? Where did you find it and bring it into your life? Just like someone in the theater, who had a seat and then stopped those who entered, judging that what lies common in front of everyone to use, was his own: the rich are of the same kind. They first take possession of the common property, and then they keep it as their own because they were the first=2 0to take it. If one had taken what is necessary to cover one’s own needs and had left the rest to those who are in need, no one would be rich, no one would be poor, no one would be in need. Isn’t it true that you came out of the womb naked? ...Where is your present property from? If you think you came to it by itself, you don’t believe in God, you don’t acknowledge the creator and you are not thankful to him who gave it to you...What was granted to you , in order for you to take care of the others, you took it and made it your own. What do you think? He who strips the clothed is called a thief. How should we name him who is able to dress the naked, and doesn’t do it, does he deserve some other name? The bread you possess belongs to the hungry. The clothes that you store in boxes, belong to the naked. The shoes rotting by you, belong to the barefoot. The money that you hide belongs to anyone in need. You wrong as many people as you are able to help (but do not). 33. cp23 “There’s no such thing as bad weather,” someone has said, “only inadequate protection.” My mother was big on protection. She convinced us we’d catch a terrible cold or die of pneumonia if we didn’t put on our caps and several extra layers whenever it got chilly or stormy outside. But “adequate protection” not only helps when it comes to facing the elements. It’s also great when dealing with difficult people in our lives--the folks we feel uneasy with, who create an unpleasant chill or even an emotional blizzard around us. All of us prefer being with balmy, Florida-like folks. But the next best thing is putting on the mental equivalent of good rain gear, having a suitable wardrobe to help us ward off others’ wintriness. It doesn’t change the climate any, but it makes it more bearable, maybe even half-enjoyable--if we’re able to put on a robe of courage, and add warm layers of emotional protection as necessary to carry our own weather with us. This kind of insulation doesn’t have to result in shutting other people out. In fact, being “dressed for the weather” means we can be even closer to people. We can dread them less and love them more, connect with them without catching our death of cold. Your mother would like that. 34. cp23 I heard a teacher friend of mine talk about a table she has set up in her classroom for students to go to talk something over when they are having a dispute. When the two disputants go to the talk-it-over table each is given an ice cream stick with a symbol on it, one of a mouth and the other an ear. The one with the picture of the mouth goes first, and can talk with the other having to just listen until the other person is finis hed and is ready to trade sticks. I thought, what a great idea for more of our conversations when we’re so often interrupting each other because we want to do the majority of the talking, rather than really hearing what the other person is saying. It goes without saying that the most overlooked half of communicating is the listening half. Somewhere we’ve gotten the idea that nothing of much importance is happening in our communication if we’re not saying something. But the fact is that while a great deal can be conveyed without a speaker, no communication can happen without a listener, someone to actually be paying attention to another. So often what passes for listening is our impatiently waiting our turn to talk, and while we’re waiting, to focus more on formulating what we’re going to say next instead of taking in what the other person’s trying to tell us. So here’s a good listening rule to follow: When its the other person’s turn to talk, try to do nothing else but just hear what’s being said, listening so well that we can play back a brief summary every now and then and then ask, “Am I hearing you right?” “Is there anything else?” 35. Something I’ve been telling my clients, and myself, is that there is like a wise self and a worried self in each of us. The worried self is that part of us carried over from t he formative first 18 years of our lives, when we often felt overwhelmed by all of the challenges and demands of life in a world full of troubles and stresses. We also found ourselves surrounded by giant parents and others with loud voices and lots of power to create loads of stress for us. And we constantly wondered how we could ever face the difficult tasks and responsibilities the real grownup world would place on us. The wise self is that part of us that has become able to live by our faith instead of our fear. Not that we never feel overwhelmed at times, but we can learn to recognize and utilize all of the assets we have to cope with them, what we have above and beyond us, in our relationship with a caring God, what we have around us, in the support network that includes our family, our supportive friends, good neighbors, and members of our faith community, and the resources we have within us, the faith, hope and love that are powerful assets in being able to deal with life problems. So when I feel stressed, I need to ask, Do I have my inner wise self in the driver’s seat, in charge of and managing my life, or have I allowed my worried self to be in charge? After all, its not the size of our problems that are the problem, but the extent of our means to cope with them.