D. Some “To Knot or Not to Knot?” Questions

(1) For panel members:

• What do you wish you would have known more about yourself or your partner before you were

         married? 

• What were the some of the more difficult adjustments you had to make as a couple? 

• What were some of the greatest surprises you experienced after you were married?  Do you feel

        any of them could have been avoided? 

• What were some personal differences that tested your relationship? that strengthened it?

•  How have differences in family backgrounds affected your marriage? 

• How did you arrive at the decision that this was the right person? the right time? 

• How or when did you first begin to experience any doubts or misgivings about your relationship,

        and/or realize the honeymoon was over? 

• As you look back, what might you have done to better prepare yourself for marriage?

(2) For participants to fill out, then discuss with their partner:

(a) Rank order from 1 through 15 the qualities you would consider most important in a future spouse. (As in real life, you may not be able to have everything on the list below you might really like!)

___athletic                                                        ___similar background/lifestyle

___shares my religious beliefs                           ___kind and considerate

___shares household tasks                                ___dresses well

___high moral standards                                   ___tolerant and forgiving

___nice physical appearance                             ___communicates openly and honestly

___makes me feel important                             ___likes being with people

___gets along well with family/friends                ___likes children

___traditional height patterns                             ___has similar goals in life

___fun to be with                                              ___earns good money

___values a close family life                              ___dependable

___well educated                                             ___not jealous or possessive

___honest and truthful                                       ___open minded

___cares about me                                           ___not previously married/divorced

___adventuresome                                           ___ability to be a good parent

___affectionate                                                 ___wise and intelligent

___even-tempered                                           ___similar hobbies and interests

___a faithful partner                                          ___not in a previous sexual relationship

(b) Agree or disagree? The following are common romantic myths about mate selection:

___Any doubts I have will be gone once I have found the partner meant for me.

___There is only one right person in the world meant for me.

___No one else can be of any help when it comes to deciding when, whether or whom to marry.

___People marry for only one reason, because they have found true love.

___Since opposites, attract, the more unlike our interests and personality traits, the better.

___People who sincerely promise to correct their bad habits after they get married almost always do so.

(c) Where on each continuum do you see yourself with regard to the following traits? your friend?      [line connecting each of these eleven polarities, aggressive to passive, etc.]

[aggressive                                           assertive                                               passive]

[cocky                                                  self-confident                                        insecure]

[life of the party                                    sociable                                                withdrawn]

[dictator                                               negotiator                                             doormat]

[rigid                                                    flexible                                                  wishy-washy]

[insensitive                                            concerned                                            oversensitive]

[short-tempered                                    self-controlled                                       apathetic]

[perfectionist                                         well organized                                       disorganized]

[wasteful                                               careful                                                   miserly]

[work-addicted                                    diligent                                                   lazy]

[optimistic                                             hopeful                                                  pessimistic]

(d) Check each of  the following areas would you would see basic similarities, rather than significant differences, being preferable in a relationship?

 ___religious faith and practice

___cultural and family backgrounds

___general lifestyle preferences, standard of living

___hobby and recreational interests

___occupational and vocational goals

___values, convictions on moral issues

___political preferences

___conversational interests

___attitudes towards children and about parenting styles

___basic personality traits